Wednesday, 29 April 2009

See No Evil (1971)

Mia Farrow arrives at her Uncle's country manor to recuperate after losing her eyesight after a horseriding accident. After a riding trip she returns to the house and slowly comes to realise that the household have been brutally slaughtered and the killer has left an identity bracelet behind, which he returns to collect....
Or Blind Terror as it's normally known in Britain. Right from the start the director shows his intentions as the killer, only recognisable, until the end, by his cowboy boots, coming out of a cinema double bill showing 'The Convent Murders' and 'Rapist Cult' and focuses on toy guns in windows, violence on the tvs in shop windows etc. Then he plays the class card as an upper crust car (actually the car of of Mia Farrow's uncle) has the temerity to splash his boots and so the killer crosses a zebra crossing, stopping the car from moving on. The uncle driving the car says, echoing the viewer, "Ok, move along. You've made your point." But I'm being harsh. Besides all this, and the old disabled person/woman in peril plotline' this is a finely made taut thriller from the confident hand of 60/70s tv supremo Brian Clemens. The only major complaint is that the ending just sort of fizzles out. Not flawless, but still an overlooked gem.

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

The Hanging Woman (1973)

Serge Chekov arrives at his ancestor's castle for the reading of a will and sees a hanging woman in the graveyard, which disappears aftyer he raises the alarm. He sets out to investigate just how is uncle was killed.
One of those Eurohorrors that appears in many forms and many, many titles. Mostly remembered these days by the cameo appearance of Spanish horror icon Paul Naschy as a necrophiliac gravedigger, this is a reasonable horror with a rousing climax, but a tad slow in the first half.

March Of The Wooden Soldiers (1934)

In Toyland the evil Silas Barnaby attempts to force Bo Peep to marry him prompting Stannie Dum and Ollie Dee to do what they can to thwart his plans .
Basically this is Stan and Ollie in panto with a load of operetta songs thrown into the mix. For once colour would have been nice here to make the most of the wonderful sets. However, although this was made during their best period, this isn't one of their best. More than most, the film lags horribly when the boys are not on the screen.

Tintin and the Blue Oranges (1964)

After being sent a blue orange by his colleague, Professor Calculus is kidnapped. Tintin and Captain Haddock go to the rescue.
A second live action for the boy reporter. A somewhat confusing plot but thoroughly charming also for fans of Tintin. The characters are lovingly created and the whole film looks like it was drawn by Hergé. It is quite talkative, which may explain the convolutions of the plot, and for once a dubbed film would have been preferable. But if you are a fan of Tintin, it's a treat.

Saturday, 25 April 2009

Orange County (2002)

Shaun is a surfer dudeon the Californian coast who reads a book that changes his life. He decides he wants to be a writer and applies to Stanford College, but gets rejected because of mis-sent information. He enlists his girlfriend and stoner brother to try and help him get into the college.
Pretty run of the mill teen comedy that is pefectly watchable and made all the more so when Jack Black is on the screen. Harmless.

The Big Racket (1976)

An organised group of criminals is running a protection racket that is getting out of control. Detective Nico Palmieri is determined to bring them to justice, one way or another.
A highly entertaining Italian crime drama, chock full of fistfights, car chases and a detective being continuously in trouble with his boss. Some great scenes, including the detective being rolled down a hill in his car with the camera on the inside and a great finale that manages to wipe out most of the cast. The dubbing is of particular humerous interest with words like diddly and basket being used frequently to mask swear words. Great fun.

Race To Witch Mountain (2009)

Been to the pictures with my daughter!
A taxi driver tries to help two extra terrestial children find their way to their spaceship, helped by a UFO specialist.
My daughter loved it. I got myself into an internal fight with one half saying that this film was full of half baked ideas, no character development and a bloody awful script. The other half said to shut it, it's for the kids so stop being so picky. On reflection I don't think they should get away with making sloppy films just because they are for kids. On the plus side, Dwayne Johnson (The Rock) isn't the worst ever actor to come from the WWF.

Blood Angels (2004)

A young woman goes to live with her sister who runs up a pub with her friends. It turns out her sister and her friends are Thralls, halfway to being vampires, and are hiding from Jones, the vampire who bit and enslaved them before they managed to escape.
This comes across as one of those pilot shows featuring vampires, created ride on the coat tails of the excellent Buffy TV series. Which, of course, nothing can. It was a one-off and that's what made it special. This film flaps about like a landed haddock in search of some water to give it some sustenance. It is pretty insipid stuff. Neither sleazy, trashy, funny, horrific, scary, etc but it rather fancies itself as everything without the conviction to choose one. Pants.

Don't Torture A Duckling (1972)

A child killer is ruuning amok in a sleepy rural village.
Some people would have you believe that Fulci was nothing more than a hack director without an original thought but they're wrong and this is one of the films that proves it beyond a doubt. Seen by many fans as his masterpiece, this is a pearler of a giallo with much to be said against the ruthless economic urban development of the towns and cities against the forgotten, archaic villages where superstition is still rife. There are two main scenes of note: Barbara Bouchet, fully nude, invites a young (12ish) boy to bed with her. Quite what the character's motives are never fully revealed but it seems to be she does like to tease. The other scene is the murder by the villagers of a local 'witch' whom they suspect of the killing. Done in slow motion to a choice soundtrack, this is an horrific but highly stylish moment that encapsulates the fear and mistrust at the heart of the film. While the killer's identity can be easily guessed, despite the plethora of red herring thrown in our face from Fulci, the ending is still fulfilling, irrespective of the final 'special effects'.

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

The Strangers (2008)

A couple are terrorised in their own home by three masked intruders
The director says he wrote the film about two years before Ils (Them) was released. Maybe so, but I’ll lay bets to say that his script altered somewhat after Ils’ release. After watching Ils I was wondering when a remake would take place and, barring a few minor plot points, The Strangers is that remake. But can it stand on it’s own?

Actually, there’s plenty of films about with common themes to this; Haneke’s masterly Funny Games springs to mind and you can even go back to the 60s to In Cold Blood. In fact the director said one the inspirations was Helter Skelter – the story of the Manson atrocities.

Anyhow, the film opens strongly with Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman arriving at a summer house after a party in a subdued mood as Tyler has just turned down Speedman's proposal. They are interrupted by a girl knocking on the door asking for someone called Tamara. Sending the girl on her way Speedman goes into to buy some cigarettes for Tyler and while he is away the terrorising slowly starts. In one of he most quietly impressive scenes in the movie we see Tyler lighting a cigarette when slowly, and without background music, a masked figure appears in a darkened corner of the screen and stares at Tyler’s back. It’s a genuinely creepy moment and is never bettered throughout the film. At this point I was looking forward to something a bit different but it quickly becomes a by-the-numbers horror, although there are still effective moments. The ending is one of those open ends which are starting to become incredibly passé, which is something I never thought I would find myself saying. But sometimes a film cries out for a more solid ending.
Still, it was a box-office success, and being an American flick, that’s all that counts. Look out for a sequel.

Monday, 20 April 2009

Faceless (1987)

After his sister has acid thrown in her face, a notable plastic surgeon vows to give her her face back whatever the cost. Suddenly beautiful girls start to go missing and a privare detective is hired to find one of the missing girls.
A quite restrained effort fron Senór Franco, Faceless has echoes of Franju's Eyes Without A Face and Franco's own Awful Dr Orloff amongst others. Bolstered by a decent cast this turns out to be a quite accessable film, although there is quite a few gore moments that are quite effective. The whole picture has a look of a 1980s Jackie Collins movie - in fact it is a definite 80's movie, which does add a tad to the naff meter as the 80s were exceptionally devoid of style or class.
Strangely the very last line, delivered by the follically challenged Savalas is dubbed in French, which is a bugger because it's possible that line could alter the proceedings; I will endeavour to find out. Apart from that the ending was notable for themad scientist type actually winning through, his sister getting her new face and all is well, while the private eye and the model he was looing for, supposedly the heroes one would have thought, end up trapped, presumably for good. Different.
Special mention should made for Anton Diffring in what I believe to be his final role, as an ex Nazi doctor, who used to perform atrocities during the war and now hides out in Spain. In a pleasureable nod, the doctor is led to the Nazi by none other than Howard Vernon as Dr Orloff; a nice touch.

Sunday, 19 April 2009

Our Man Flint (1966)

In an effort to control the world, a group of scientists hold thew world to ransome by causing devastating weather conditions. Only one man can save the planet, retired super spy Derek Flint.
Firmly embedded in the American 60s ethos, this Bond spoof has its tongue planted exceptionally far into to its cheek. A very enjoyable and funny film which unfortunately runs on for about 15 minutes to long. With a bit of tightening up it could have been a classic as it does get lost in itself a little in the middle. But it's a minor complaint. Who can moan when James Coburn is in his "gee, isn't this great fun" mode.

Thursday, 16 April 2009

What Have They Done To Solange? (1972)

Someone is killing a group of schollgirl friends in a particularly nasty way. Their teacher, who is also having an affair with one of his pupils, is suspected and so, with the aid of his wife, tries to work out the identity of the killer himself.
Part of Massimo’s unofficial schoolgirl trilogy this is sleazy giallo at its sleaziest, but damn fine it is too. Nicely filmed in London, the morally dubious story moves slowly but surely towards its climax, which I never saw coming although on reflection it seems obvious. You also have to get near to the end of the film to hear the name Solange, so don’t be thinking you’ve missed something. Rated.

Be Kind Rewind (2008)

While Mos Def is minding Danny Glover's video store, Jack Black accidentally gets his head magnetized and wipes all the videos in the store. Fearful of letting Glover down they decide ro remake a film for one of their customers, which leads to filming another and suddenly their films are more popular thanthe originals.
Michael Gondry’s films in the past have been something to treasure. Offbeat, they refreshingly walk an original path through today’s mainstream mire of movie monotony that seems to pervade the cinemas from across the ocean. Both ‘The Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind’ and ‘The Science Of Sleep’ were off-kilter pleasures that entranced long after viewing had stopped. On the face of it Be Kind Rewind looked like it was going to be similar but somewhere along the line it became one of the movies it poked fun at. That’s not to say it’s bad, far from it - it is a most enjoyable movie, it’s just that it lacks the preternatural enchantment that the aforementioned films had.

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

The Chorus (2004)

A failed musician comes to a tough boarding school for troublesome kids and turns their life around when he starts a choir.
This tries hard to be a heartwarming, poignant drama and nearly succeeds but ultimately it ends up lacking character interest as it features the teacher strongly far more than some of the children that are integral to its plot development. However, it is impossible to dislike and you do warm to Mr Mathieu, the teacher. And the music is perfect.

Who Saw Her Die (1972)

George Lazenby's daughter is killed and he goes on a mission to find the killer, undaunted by the amount of bodies piling up.
Reminiscent of the following year’s classier ‘Don’t Look Now’, this also revolves around a dead child whilst in the midst of a Venetian backdrop, but George Lazenby is no Donald Sutherland (but saying that, Sutherland has never played Bond, and never will, so there.) and he seems to sleepwalk through his role. However it’s yet another highly watchable giallo that’s neither one of the best nor one of the worst. There is an amusing bit right at the end where a character comes running shouting to Lazenby what is basically a disclaimer against any possible bad press from certain factions which is head scratchingly out of place and seems more damage limitation than plot. Mention must go to the superb Morricone soundtrack, one of his best.

Monday, 6 April 2009

Planet Of The Vampires (1965)

Two spaceships answer a distress signal and get lured to a planet where the occupants start to get picked off. The dead then start to rise from the graves re-animated by an evil host bent on escaping the planet in their ship.
This miniscule budgeted piece of hokum would be quite torturous to watch if it wasn't for the director, Italian supremo Mario Bava, working wonders with no back up whatsoever. He makes the planet look suitably creepy using imaginative lighting and forced perspective sets and does his best to keep the story moving along. Alas, the dialogue is poor and stilted and confused in places. For staunch Bava fans and fans of low budget schlock.

Sunday, 5 April 2009

Bronx Warriors (1982)

In the future the Bronx has been turned over to the people as the authorities can no longer police it and it is run by gangs. The heir to a gun manufacturing business runs away to the Bronx to hide from the people who wish to control her assets. A maniac cop called Hammer (Vic Morrow) is sent to get her. Meanwhile she has fallen in love with Trash, leader of The Riders. When she is kidnapped by the Zombies, Trash goes to The Ogre (honest, I'm not making this up) to ask for help in securing her release.
Coming across as a hybrid between Escape From New York and The Warriors this is an Italian Trash Classic and as such goes beyond criticism. And anything with a violent tap-dancing gang is ok in my book. Sure the fight scenes are crying out for a decent director and editor. Yes, the dialogue makes you cringe, when you aren't laughing. For definite Mark Gregory (Trash) is the worst actor, like, ever. But it remains fab.

Alien Autopsy (2006)

Two men on a Elvis memorabilia buying expecition in America are offered footage of an alien autopsy. They borrow the £30,000 needed to buy the film which, by the time they get to show it, has decomposed. Un daunted the lads get their family together to make a reconstruction
The big hoax of 1995 becomes a vehicle for Ant and Dec and it is surprisingly enjoyable. Very lightweight with plenty of humour with the two geordies putting in an assured performance. Not bad at all.

Saturday, 4 April 2009

The Perfume Of The Lady In Black (1974)

A young women is disturbed by a series of visions which is driving her insane, but are her family and friends really trying to help?
While it may sound like a by-the-numbers Hammer psycho offering , this is actually quite an intelligent, tricksy crossbreed of giallo and supernatural horror, with echoes of Polanski (especially Rosemary's Baby). And just when you think you have a handle on what is going on ....POW, the ending just makes stare blankly at the TV and it takes a while to realise it is not as ridiculous as it first appeared. A film that definitely requires a second viewing.

Friday, 3 April 2009

El Conde Dracula (1970)

Count Dracula buys a house in England and starts causing terror yada yada yada
If you have never seen a Franco film before, this is a good one to start with. The presence of Lee and Lom as the count and Van The Man Helsing will help matters a lot for non Franco-philes. This film is supposedly about the closest you get on celluloid to what Stoker put down in words, although this is open for debate. Lee starts off as an elderly Count and gets younger with every feed which is nice touch, straight from the book. The plot is, admittedley, slow, but the again the book hardly charges on like a freight train. Mainstrem Franco, but still with many of his peculiar flourishes.

Demoniacs (1974)

Four pirates (3 men, 1 woman) make a living as 'wrecker's, tricking passing ships into crashing on the rocks and salvaging the booty. After one crash, two young ladies come ashore and are attcaked and raped by the pirates. The girls may be dead, or they may not, but they end up at the haunted ruins where they help release a demon in human form, surrender to him and are granted the power to exact their revenge.
To say that the work of Jean Rollin is not to everyone's taste is a massive understatement. For every devout fan who are blown away by the French auteur's films there are a legion of people who cannot see anything worthwhile in them. And it has to be said, you can understand where the detractors are coming from. They tend to lack both plot and pace and are usually appallingly acted. There is copious nudity with abundent gratuitous sex scenes. But for those who love his work they are a surreal journey into a dream land of vampires and disaffected people with each frame composed of the most striking visuals, set against a background of netherworldly locations. Demoniacs may not be the best Rollin, but the visuals on offer are great, some of them exceptional. The actors are the usual naffness, with the exception of Joelle Coeur as the female pirate, who relishes, usually naked, the role of bloodthirsty fiendess. For fans only.

The Strange Vice of Mrs Wardh (1971)

Newly married Mrs Wardh comes to believe that her ex-boyfriend is the killer roaming the streets. She also succumbs to the charms of a handsome cousin of a friend who helps her through her obsession with the killer, whom she believes will attack herself.
Excellent giallo that is almost to complicated for its own good, with an ending that you simply won't guess. Perhaps a little contrived, well ok, a lot contrived, but no more so than many other giallos and these endings are part of the fun. Well worth it.